Hello guys! I have achieved a new milestone, not in days yet, but in mindset. After my relapse mid-summer, I’m back. And honestly? I’m feeling very good now. Almost unstoppable.
But only almost. And that distinction matters.
The Reality Check
Of course, I’m not superhuman. I still have lags in performance. I recently damaged my shoulder in the gym, which was a huge physical setback. I sometimes feel lost and lonely, dealing with the emotional waves that come with early recovery.
And it’s not just the internal stuff. I’ve suffered from a financial point of view, earning less money right now than I used to. Life hasn’t magically become perfect just because I put down the bottle. Bills don’t care about your sobriety streak.
But here’s what I’ve learned from previous attempts: expecting sobriety to fix everything is a setup for failure. Sobriety doesn’t solve your problems. It gives you the clarity and energy to actually work on them. There’s a huge difference.
What the Relapse Taught Me
I used to see my mid-summer relapse as pure failure. 159 days down the drain. But with some distance, I realize it taught me things I couldn’t have learned any other way.
It taught me that I can do this for extended periods. 159 days is not nothing. It taught me exactly which situations are dangerous for me: it wasn’t the obvious ones like parties or bars. It was the quiet, unstructured evenings when boredom crept in and I had no plan.
Most importantly, it showed me that relapse doesn’t erase progress. My brain and body still remember those 159 sober days. The neural pathways I built are still there, just waiting to be reactivated. Starting over isn’t starting from zero.
The Shift in Attitude
BUT.
And this is a big "but." The amount of positive attitude I have to change my life into what I want it to be is enormous. It feels different this time.
I don’t feel like a loser anymore. That shame spiral that usually follows a relapse? It’s gone. I’m in much more control and walking with more confidence right now.
In previous attempts, I was driven by fear, fear of what alcohol was doing to me, fear of hitting rock bottom, fear of losing people. This time it’s not fear driving me. It’s something closer to excitement. I genuinely want to see what my life looks like at 200 days, at a year, at five years without drinking.
That shift from running away from something to running toward something changes everything. Fear is a finite fuel source. Curiosity and ambition? Those can last forever.
Beating the Best Effort
My previous best effort was 159 days. That number used to haunt me a bit, the "what if" and "if only." But now, it’s just a target. A number on a scoreboard that I am absolutely going to beat.
What makes me confident isn’t blind optimism. It’s the fact that I’ve built better systems this time:
- I track everything using Sober Tracker. Seeing that number tick up every day is a small but real motivator.
- I have a plan for danger zones. Unstructured evenings get filled with gym sessions, walks, or even just cooking something elaborate. Anything that occupies the hands and the mind.
- I stopped isolating. Last time I tried to do this completely alone. This time I’m writing about it, sharing the journey, and connecting with others going through the same thing.
I feel like I will beat my previous BEST EFFORT of 159 days not because it’s easy, but because I’m ready. And because I’ve finally stopped punishing myself for the attempts that didn’t stick.
A Note on "Unstoppable"
I want to be careful with that word. I don’t mean I’m invincible or that cravings have disappeared. They haven’t. Just yesterday I walked past a bar on a warm evening and felt that familiar pull.
What I mean is that my direction feels locked in. The momentum is building, and each day adds to it. Even on hard days, the trajectory stays the same: forward.
For anyone else out there restarting or pushing for a new record: Good luck. This thing is worth it!
